I have no specific theme or topic in mind for this post, but just that I need to have a get-away for a moment from my kids. It's just been one of those days.
While this may sound very "duh!" of me while I'm on the computer and my children act as a hurricane in my livingroom, I've been feeling quite the failure as a mother lately. Oh sure, I make sure they're (mostly) clothed, fed, and freshly diapered where applicable, but I can't seem to be that mom that has some amazing project planned for every day, making a bunch of meals from scratch, keeping the house spotless, organized and perfectly labeled.
On a similar note, I've been feeling a bit like a failure as a wife/house wife too.
I don't know why. I feel lethargic a lot, tired, though I enough sleep. I've been trying to work on being more affectionate with Phil and put more effort into our marriage. It hasn't been a marriage in jeopardy or anything, but I think just with having three kids so close together and so soon after our wedding, our marriage became more about raising kids and surviving than about honouring each other and God.
Back to being a crumby housewife and stay-at-home mom though, I'm curious as to what other SAHM's "schedules" look like. A friend and neighbour of mine who also has small children always has a spotless house. Is it just me? I've never been prone to ultra cleanliness (my room up until Phil and I were married was proof enough of that) but I can never seem to get it all done. What's the deal? I even try to keep so much "Stuff" around so it'll be easier to keep neat, but at the end of each day, my house seems trashed yet again.
Forget even the unending dishes and laundry. I understand those even if I'm terribly frustrated with them. I don't understand the rest. How does the boys room get messy when they are only there for naps and to sleep at night. Granted it usually is the very least mess, but still. The playroom with oodles of toys? The boys think of it just a storage room for their toys and instead drag everything out to the livingroom to play with it. This irks me, but at the same time, I can keep an easier eye on them.
Almost done with my whining, hang with me.
I know we're not called to be EVERY aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman, but I sure would like to encompass some of her skills. If anyone has any tips, I'll take them gladly.
I guess this post turned out to have a theme after all.
I know that feeling! And I can offer a ray of hope. In a few years it will start to get better. I was picking up after myself last night and remembering when I would have to pick up everyone elses stff...Oh!! and when I go to make dinner now, the dishwasher is emptied and so is the trash! I can actually cook in a clean kitchen that I had not cleaned!! I'm going to hate when they move away and I have to do all those chores again! :) Hang in there..soon you will have an army of servants!! <3
ReplyDeleteMarie-Eve, please don't be so hard on yourself! Providing a loving, healthy home for your family is a BIG job and one that is never really complete. I hope that you're not comparing yourself to the neighbor lady or anyone else, for that matter...
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of ways to become discouraged in this area (even if it has been about 4 years since I had a "little one" at home), but also a lot of ways to be encouraged. Whatever your definition of clean is, stick to that. Maybe make a chore chart for the boys to start helping around the house, too. Trade services with Michelle, if she is willing. (I love laundry, so I wouldn't mind helping with that if I were there!)
But most importantly, be encouraged that where the Lord has you right now is where you should be- struggles and all... Remember what Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
You aren't the only one, Marie-Eve! Being a mom to littles can be very overwhelming. You can only do so much. Just plug away at what you can and try to forget the rest. Even the people who you think "have it all together" really don't. If their house is spotless, it just means they are lacking in another area that you aren't. I have learned, and am still learning, that to compare yourself to others only makes you feel more discouraged. Hang in there! My dad told me once that the Lord draws very close to mothers, especially mothers of small ones. Isaiah 40:11 - He shall gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.
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